I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize