All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
