He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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