I want to make a zoo with you.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
