the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
