this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
