dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My feet surprised me
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