who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
