He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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