so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
