Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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