I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
