I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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