i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
