omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize