help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
