We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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