i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
