____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize