some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
