Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
