so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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