do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
