I want to have your abortion
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
