I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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