it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
