Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
