I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
