I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
