The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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