the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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