That's intense
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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