Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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