In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
