also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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