one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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