How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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