At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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