Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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