Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
