Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.

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(801): View more from Utah

The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

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(402): View more from Nebraska

what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

are you high?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.

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(425): View more from Washington

Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.

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(915): View more from Texas

I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.

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