the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
