4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
