ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
