some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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