im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
