Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
