he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
