Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
