Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
