I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
