Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
