Just cropdusted the office
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
