You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
