I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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