I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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