when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
