Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
