Christians are straight up FREAKS
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
