I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize