just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
