First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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