Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
