Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
