I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
