....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
