ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
