I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
