There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
