I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She needs sedatives and a leash
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
