what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
