Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Me too!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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