i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
