how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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