Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
