are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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