it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We are all done wearing pants today
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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