life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
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