You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
